Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
