the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
