I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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