We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
