The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
