he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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