these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
