Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
send nudes
from the living room?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
