He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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