hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize