You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
