i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
