she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize