very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
