I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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