I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
