i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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