There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
