My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
