Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
