I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
They left me at home... I'm a liability
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
