so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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