I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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