I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
