using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
