I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
