I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
