she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
