they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
