love makes seman taste better
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize