Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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