I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
