He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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