at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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