I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
