I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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