the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
