I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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