One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i love accidental penises.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
