i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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