What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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