addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
