How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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