So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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