Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
