Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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