my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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