Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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