I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
