I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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