the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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