Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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