So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize