he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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