Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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