i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
