Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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