I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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