Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
