thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
