The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
