You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
