Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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