Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
