I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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