Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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