You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
