There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
