Just fell off a train. Bad.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize