Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
