I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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