yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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