i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
