Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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