dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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